Text Message Slut

I’m a text message slut. And I make no apologies for such promiscuity. Some of the better received texts I have saved from my text log…

“I just just got my test results and I have the HIV, herpes and the clap, wanna come over for some unprotected sex?”
“I don’t think I’m hungover so much as I’m so awesome my body is trying to clone itself.”
“So frki druk.”
“You should put me on your bucket list of things to do”
“Did you lose your panties again last night?”
I’m currently on a yacht drinking scotch and just traded a days labour for bondage gear.”

Those are only a few of the jems as I kill cell phones frequently. And I thought I had a knack for sending/receiving weird texts but last night I found the website…

Texts From Last Night

So since it’s always good to find another way to kill time at work go ahead and take a looksee for yourself and try not to pee a little from the laughing. A collection of my personal fav’s so far..

(915): I hate it when hot girls behave. It’s so anticlimactic
(412): I have big tits. Rules don’t apply to me.
(954): a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
(270): I do regret it. But I can’t unfuck her
(919): his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I’ve satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
(317): Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
(231): i don’t care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
(305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the Breathalyzer.
(215): her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
(641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

There are a lot more that I like but don’t want to ruin the experience for you. Your welcome. And let this be a lesson that NO BAD can come from drunk texting. None. Unless you’re this guy….

(816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because ‘mom’ and ‘molly’ are next to each other in my address book.